ROLE-PLAYING FOR DUMMIES #8:

Dictionary & Thesaurus "Rape"

[LAST UPDATED 10-22-06]

STILL UNDER CONSTRUCTION

*BACK*

Everyone wants to make a good first impression when their PC enters the room IC. Players think about the dashing, eye-catching scenes we know from movies or books, and ruminate about ways to make our character descriptions and RP moves stand out from the rest.

 

However, if the muse sometimes isn't there, or if one just isn't much of a creative writer, players sometimes get the impression that fancy, flowery language makes up for a multitude of sins. Allow us to disabuse you of this notion immediately. Trying to write excessive verbiage in the hopes that it helps make you look cool, often leads to exposing more flaws than it hides. Instead of wincing about how boring someone is, the other players may wince about the painful things you post.

 

This workshops is to educate you on understanding where to draw the line; to give examples of it, and to give you alternatives that are far less annoying to others and do not detract from RP.

 

Using an unusual word occasionally here and there, to make your description stand out from others, is a good thing, provided the word is used correctly and flowery language used sparingly.  Writing your entire description as if you are trying to win a James Joyce's Finnegan's Wake Reborn contest, on the other hand, is pretentious and annoying, and usually encourages dictionary & thesaurus rape, not to mention makes your fellow players run screaming from playing with you.

SINS IN DESCRIPTIONS:

The following are actual descriptions, or actions in scenes players have used IC before, in our game or others. If you read these and you do not feel the need to scrub your eyes with Brillo, you're probably a dictionary raper.

(examples largely credited to the LiveJournal community forum, "Bad RP'ers Suck").

These are examples of what NOT TO DO:

1. Whelpen fae's downy pelt blanket'd in snow, broken by ebon markings along slim sides before blending into underbelly of icey blue. Emerald orbs translated a contradiction of youth's innocence mixed with sure spark of worldliness that was rarely seen in one so young. Whelpen's playful exuberance around others would quickly melt into a wolfess's coy teasing manner when her beloved father was by her side, feminine charm practiced shamelessly upon him to the point of more than one pair of raised brows. [This gets extra stabby points for being incestuous and quasi-yiffy, on top of the dorky language use.]
2. Brujo's powerful frame was encased in unmarred ivory causing golden optics to appear startlingly intense reminding one of sun shining brightly through mist. He carried with him an aura of calm assurance seen only in those who walk thier path in life boldy, and without reservations. Expression normally set in cool reserve, would quickly shift to an unhidden wolfish smile when with his treasured daughter; whom he nuzzled, and groomed with a tender devotion that raised questions.' [More incest points. Die now.]
3. Setting the lighter of the two bottles apon the bar she reached behind her and replaced the unused one. Standing near the shelving he was able to see the black skirt she wore which didn't quite seem to reach her kness... accompanied by a simple fitting tank top. There were no visable scars adorning her skin...though there was no mistaking the toneness of her body that only came with years of training day in and day out. Stepping back to the counter she went about removing the cork and pouring him a full glass. Leaving the bottle near by she carefully recorked it and nodded to him...those loose strands once again falling to sway before one eye. :-: The stranger paused ... then looked to the woman, a flash of eyes beneath the hood as words were spoken, muffled from behind the mask-like material. Sounded something like a young boy, 16 or so, as the voice was not as deep as it should be. "How on earth did you get so many candles? ... you're miles away from a candle-maker, and even so, those are only in large towns. And what strange wear you have ..."  :-: At the young boys words, she couldn't hide the look of playfull amusement that crossed her features. :-: Jade has many wonders in this tavern...though I believe she makes nearly everything in here. I wouldn't be surprised if she made the candles as well. :-: In an absent minded gesture...her hand rose and ran through her long hair, brushing it back for her sights. Even in the soft light of the candles, her fair skin shimmered ever-so-slightly in a manner that matched her emerald eyes :-:
4. Blayze_Darkfire walks into the cafe/bar/room/club, (insert two-paragraph long description of how gorgeous and dangerous he/she looks) and gazes around with cold/hot eyes.. he/she walks to an empty corner booth and takes a seat, watching the crowd....
5. Idiot who must not be named: *parting the door with a quick push, and woman walks in roughly two meters tall, body rippling with taught, toned muscles, pulling her scaled skin smooth. Her scales, abundant and slick, are iridescent, reflecting every change in the light with a shift in coloration. Large ovals of green, bands that meld cleanly into her scales appear on her thighs, shins, stomach, and a single tiny one on her neck, if one were to examine closely enough, they would find that the bands are slightly overlapping, with the one above covering the top of the band below it. Though her scales create a mostly uniform pattern of slightly varying sizes, they fade into true skin carrying the same prism-effect that her scales do at places of sensitivity, yet remain present on her thin face.

6. Black: sits in a chair face, is a complete lack of hair and ears, instead her hearing is conducted completely through a pair of holes that rest on the line where her large hood meets her skull. Her hood, blessed with a large and intricate design, with many loops and curves on the backside, is much larger than the others of her race, yet it can be pulled tight to her skin and disappear completely. Her eyes are almond-shaped and deathly white, bearing only clouded impressions of the normal serpentine slits, never turning or moving. Resting just under her small nose are a pair of nostril-looking holes, yet they never flex or breath, they only receive. Shattering the almost amazonian image of her body, is a large bust, almost seeming a curse and a blessing by its size, it exudes obvious strain on her collar bone and chest. Resting in her mouth are two rows of hand-sharpened teeth, canines folded back like a true snake's, each perhaps two inches in length. Sprouting lithely from her hips is a long tail, easily longer than she is tall, tipped at the end by a boney rattle, making a small click with each swipe. Taking a stool at the end of the bar she orders nothing and remains silent*

7. Even the most stubborn pig can be brought to root. ::Glistening fibers of sable lashed the minute rupture birthed by the Egyptian's capricious fury as his head violently reoriented towards the retiring god which loomed over the embrace of winter which always seemed to intensify at night. The same hand which still throbbed with the residue of violence perched upon the alabaster ridge of Cassie's kneecap, supple underbellies of languid phalanges rotating as they massaged the flesh beneath. His anger could subside quickly, so long as he was obeyed:: At least superficially, you are a treasure. I wish you would come to terms with that, to glorify in that.

8. [Character] stands curvaceous 5 foot 10 inches tall. Long wavy auburn hair sits at the base of her spine that ripples like fine silk, clear, soft green eyes, which sparkle, high cheekbones that hold a soft glow and lips that shine with a sultry passion.

9. "Xia caught the dying stars of Angel's eyes as the flashed within the crushed velvet of her face, eternal in its own beautiful darkness. He gazed upon her with an inquistive manner, muzzle the sharp edge of silver on the shadow's border within the warm jade of the grass where it rested betwix outreached paws. He gave tongue to no words at first-his silver ears flickering to and fro into the void breath of the wind, hearing nothing but the intricate sound of silence. At length, however, he allowed a smile to birth its way upon his maw, as shining at the sun's first blush, much like his name, the glow of the morning sun, and he chuckled softly into the earth. "What is it then, mi lady? Something amiss?""

10. PLEASE NOTE -- THE BELOW IS SOMEONE'S *OOC* PROFILE, NOT THEIR PC:
    I am insanity incarnate.Also a female gamer.And a rper of a little over seven years or more. Other than that, however, I am an 18 year old woman with a flair for the dramatics and a lust for insanity. I am a Jedi Master, who is the love child of Anakin Skywalker. I fully intended to legally change my last name to Skywalker once I move out of my parent's household. I am also a lycan. Yes, my dears, a werewolf. This is not some attempt at being clever-I'm quite serious. Hmm. My personality is difficult to describe with much success. How about you take a female Captain Jack Sparrow, combine that with Aragorn, combine that with Legolas, combine that with Gollum, combine that with Wolverine, combine that with Spider-Man, and then spice it up with Anya from Buffy, with a side order of Spike and Xander, and there you have it. Oh, and mix in my daddy's, aka Anakin's temper, and I'm a force to be reckoned with. I love Star Wars as well as Lord Of The Rings, and can speak fluent Elvish.
    [NOTE HERE: CLEARLY SHE'S NOT EVEN 18 YET AND HAD TIME TO MASTER 5 IMAGINARY LANGUAGES? I DON'T THINK SO TIM)
    Theatre is my passion, and I intend to major in it in college and later persue it as a career. I plan to attend Warren Wilson college in the fall. I also skateboard, surf, write, and act. Obviously on the last. I madder than a hatter. Really. Seriously. I have two horses, a few dogs, and some lovebirds, pet-wise. To sum it up: I'm a flighty,
    spontaenous, marshmellow with rabbit ears. In other words, I'm so cute and fluffy, but ultimately psycho. I feel it evens things out quite a lot. I have a sad addiction to
    creamy peanut butter, shiny, and\or soft\fuzzyobjects, sharp and painfulobjects, and things that sparkle or glitter, hence one of my many aliases being "magpie." I enjoy being stroked, as well as giving, and reciving, bites.
    I fully believe that mirrors are portals into parrallel universes; it would explain the obscence guestures made by my counterpart. My taste in music is electic, ranging from Classical tometal. I speak fluent Elvish, Huttenense, Jawa, and Wookie. Yup-I'm a Star-Wars girl. I love people, and parties. I am an avid reader, as well as a writer. I'm a purebred American mongrel, with hertitage from the world over, the most promient being that of two of the oldest Scottish tribes as well as Native American. I'm an author on fictionpress, and write under the pen name of (Changed to protect the retarded) FUCKASS_01. Please feel free to read some of my works. I dabble mostly in Fantasy. You can find me in various rps...

Not everyone who "Dictionary Rapes" spells badly, or even writes all that horribly (though clearly the examples above show that abuse of flowery words (a.k.a., "Purple Prose") is frequently a crutch for good old-fashioned crappy spelling & grammar, or sometimes just a sheer lack of any meaningful actions to add to the story). Sometimes, excessive use of colorful words can pass as good writing at first glance, witness a couple of examples above that only grate after careful inspection of the particulars involved. Below is an example of how even someone who can at first pretend to spell and conjugate, still can't write something that does not make you want to scratch your eyes out (and yes this is ALL one description!):

Agonizing contemplation; archangelic comportment concealed beneath psychopathic mindset, and actions. Bone masquerade enshrouded facial appearance, lowermost and higher structures. Lithe embodiment concluded with twin spaded pulmages. Incomparable marking displayed amongst contessa's rump, destroyed fragments of diamonds stuck into fleshy section above rear.
Arduous when needed, brisky when wanted. Massive female, merge of an ebon and silver complexion, concealed mainly along posterior. Illumed cream suffocated in diminutive clods along the abdomen and thorax. Irises infused with pure azure mixture held with secretive, mysterious background. Demeanors intensity, gave accurate satifation of timber.
Lifeless pools of astoundingly vivid jade gawk from beige pelage, which was thrown 'pon gentle canidae frame. Cream hue itinerant from the base of her nape to the launch of her caudal. Garnet pinnae incline 'pon her cranium of onyx that ends at her tassel. Lean, sturdy pillars accustomed with one mitt of ivory and remaining of ebony mitts. Muted aigrette of onyx, beige, and cream hues flare out with unorganized particles of pelt straying out in all directions.
Ebon painted chassis flaunting robusts limbs ruggedly, crania lifted regally into heavenbound stature. Tassle floated behind as three-beat took forth across grassy lands, grunt would emit as display of resistance free gait commensed. Lightly tempered visuals gazed down along the way, bantering whicker would echo through the grounds announcing her presence to be known.
Diminutive physique; desirable obsidian silken peltage intervolved within dusted impressings. Unauthenticated moon burned upon cranial structure, inbetween duo hued grey eyes, inherited forth dame. Persuaded into disproportionate demeanor; hankering towards via unfamiliar; distrustful via kindred

SINS IN CHARACTER NAMES:

If you name your character anything that even remotely resembles something like, "Princess Honeydew Moonglow Silverstar Rainbowstrike Raventhorn Sparklepants", you are a dictionary/thesaurus rapist.

Lay off the names with words about flowers, celestial bodies, wild animals, jewels, or precious metals. In some genres, it's less inappropriate, but too much is too much in any genre. If you sound like a cheesy AD&D character, it's too much.

WHY SPELLING COUNTS, especially in descriptions and actions:

ACTIONS:

A girl took a stool a few feet away and asked for a beer she didnt care what.She hated her job as a sluet waitress with rich guys eyeing her ase ,all she wanted was to be an actress.But that would never happen,she sighed outloud.

fiona glared at him and said in a powerful voice you dare to challange me? i am what was what is what will be the dark angel chaos bringer i am power!
 

USE OF FOREIGN LANGUAGES, ARCHAIC LANGUAGES OR FICTIONAL LANGUAGES:

FOREIGN LANGUAGES: If your character is foreign, it is fine and sometimes interesting to intersperse phrases, idiomatic expressions and so forth, from their native language. However, please make sure you do your homework and do not use things if you do not know what they mean. The biggest offenders of this are people who play Asian characters, treating Japanese, Chinese, Korean and other cultures as mix and match or interchangeable. There are a lot of online dictionaries and while they are imperfect, it is a lot better than outright trying to fake it.

BUTCHERED ARCHAIC ENGLISH:  Sometimes, players of elder characters try to mimic anachronistic phrasing to portray someone who is not very modern. Fine in principle, but as with all such things, do your homework. Don't just "Thee" and "thou" and doth and shalt in random places and think that is the key to this.

• WHAT NOT TO DO: Her hand slide down from where they were cupping her head in its downwards lean into them, her demeanor sullen, and her eyes not lifting up towards him, instead focusing upon one of the windows that boast claim to the twilight coming outside. Though, after some time, the pale cores slowly flicker in his direction. "In the end I was most likely attempting to protect mineself, though its too late for such notions, and I am ended up the fool. Doth not worry of me, I await word of mine companion then I shalt leave thine city" If you don't understand Shakespearean English, don't use it.
   

FICTIONAL LANGUAGES: In the World of Darkness, there are a few specialized languages amongst the supernaturals. There are plenty to go around already. You do not need to make MORE of them by bringing in Klingon, Elvish, or anything else from other worlds. It just makes you look dorky. Skirting around this by making a character who does it IC, STILL makes you look dorky. Stop it.

PLAYER NOTES AND COMMENTS: