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NATIONAL NEWS |
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NORTHEAST
- DC SCHOOLS RECEIVE DONATION FOR MUSIC PROGRAMS:
DC Schools Interim Superintendent Elfreda Massie declined to specify the amount at this time, but did indicate it was substantial enough to facilitate many additional activities, replace worn and broken instruments and equipment, and provide a basis for a possible future scholarship endowment for promising Senior music students. Massie was also quick to indicate that the donation was received well ahead of recent unpleasant publicity surrounding the singer, and was not intended in any fashion to address that matter.
SOUTHWEST
- LOCAL CHURCH RECEIVES DONATION: Father
O'Malley of St.
MIDTOWN
- MUSICIAN LOKI OUT ON BAIL; STILL FACING CHARGES OF RAPE AND ASSAULT:
Singer Loki is out on $10K Bond after
charges that he For the time being, there is no restraining order active, however one has been prepared should Ms. Ambrose request it. Loki is to submit to additional drug and mental health testing before the trial to determine his competency, and he is also ordered not to leave town for any reason, even professional ones. No statement has been issued by Ms. Ambrose's spokesperson.
POLICE BEAT: DCPD received two similar anonymous tips in one week, regarding a supposed Hispanic girl, supposedly causing trouble, first fighting in a local park, then in The Hush nightclub. Both times, investigating officers found nothing amiss. The second time they did in fact locate two Hispanic women, but both ladies checked out fine and were not detained. DCPD believes the calls are someone's idea of petty revenge on someone else they know, and wish to make it clear to the anonymous caller that false reports are a felony and will be dealt with harshly if they are caught.
SOUTHEAST:
A homeless man
STYLE & SOCIAL NEWS
Well, readers, who would have thought that the theme of the week would ever be chastity in this town? Surprise... though it is not what you think. This Chastity is quite a Foxxx... and has returned to her stomping grounds with a big bang, so to speak. This blond bombshell has dropped herself on her hometown, making more rounds than the sexy intern in Naughty Nurses V.
What
really has the town buzzing, however, is the Though
on a more dramatic and less surprising note, Ms. Hardly
Speaking of out of control newsworthy blondes, what is this we hear about Lady Helen and her Latin lover Cross in the Web chatting about her being pregnant? Her Father must be on nitroglycerin pills by now...
On
a more serious note, seems that Loki has been avoiding his usual haunt,
understandably, since freed on bail, and was seen
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INTERNATIONAL NEWS
CLASSIFIEDS
MISC.: Ms. Chastity Foxxx, adult film star and film producer, is holding a contest. Anyone who wishes to submit a potential name for her new Gentleman's Fantasy Club, soon to open in Northwest, can win a 1 year's VIP Pass free! Please submit suggestions to ( GouGoutas@aol.com OOC) or drop a note by the club at 1750 V Street, NE. Contest ends March 1st, so hurry!
HELP WANTED: Adult Nightclub in Northeast seeks Bar staff, Manager, Bouncers and Adult Entertainers, predominantly female but will consider exceptional males as well. Please email résumé, cover letter and photos to GouGoutas@aol.com for consideration.
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NORTHWEST
- OOTORIMITSU CEO FINED; RETURNS HOME WITH NIECE: Mr.
Amatsu Tohno, CEO of Japanese Conglomerate Ootorimitsu Corporation, has
taken his niece, model Mireiyu Tohno,
and returned to Japan last week. Mr. Tohno was asked to leave the country
voluntarily, in exchange for a Georgetown 
ObGyn
dropping charges of attempted bribery in which Tohno demanded the Doctor
forge medical test results relating to one of the Doctor's patients. The
younger Tohno will likely resume her fairly substantial modeling career
back home in Tokyo.
W. Massie
reports that the Budget Officer has received a generous donation from
Goth-Rock musician Loki, directed to be used to fund extra programming for
DC's Public Schools Music Education programs.
Mark's Catholic Church in Georgetown reported that an anonymous envelope
was left in the drop box in the church sanctuary with $10,000 in large,
un-sequential bills. Bank of America Georgetown verified that the money is
not stolen. The envelope was marked in black pen, in neat penmanship,
saying "To Thank God for My Deliverance from Evil." Church staff
have no clue who their mystery benefactor might have been.
sexually
assaulted his new protégé, Ms. Meghan Ambrose, in her DC Condo a couple
weeks ago. 
nicknamed
"Crazy Bill," who was a regular at a charity kitchen in
Southeast, has not been seen there in well over a month. Known for being
mentally incompetent and possessing a penchant for young girls, Bill was
reported to Police last seen at a Middle School playground in Southeast,
taunting a group of girls outside waiting for their buses. Bill has no
fixed address, and the alcove in a local park in which he often slept was
deserted for weeks. Police declined to say whether this is yet another in
a lengthy series of missing and dead amongst the homeless, sparking an
outcry from local advocates such as The Community for Creative
Non-Violence, founded by the late militant homeless rights lobbyist, Mitch
Snyder.
KITTY's
COLUMN:
First
stop, that hotbed of hedonism, Web of Night, where sources say the Foxxx
was in intense negotiations with Web owner MC Nomad. Clothes on, sorry to
say. Overheard were snippets alleging that she was trying to recruit NSA
Productions's mastermind to oversee a chain of new Gentleman's Fantasy
Clubs that she is spearheading, opening first right here in Northeast,
just up the street from Bound, conveniently. 
mystery of what brought La Foxxx to the serene and trés
conservative Catholic campus of Georgetown University, prowling around the
PoliSci and Comm Arts Departments this week. These hallowed halls shook
badly enough when the controversial likes of Shock Rocker Anya Star and
Oil Heiress Karissa Banchi graced them, never mind a professional leg
spreader...
Chaste
But Often Chased was tossed out on her sequined butt last week for making
quite a gauche scene and primo nuisance of herself, harassing the
well-heeled clientele of Capital Hill with her imitation of Courtney Love.
You can give Elvis $35 million dollars and he still decorated Graceland
like a bachelor pad, and you can toss a designer gown on this trollop's
liposuctioned hips and it won't make her blood any bluer than mainlining
Blue Curacao does. Yes, honey, we're well aware that some of the country
club set likely own your videos in secret, but the help does not mingle
with the guests at dinnertime, do try and remember that...
chatting
in the Phantasm with an unknown party bearing a scant resemblance to
also-now-missing Shock Rocker Anya Star's half (or was it step?) sister...
hopefully not seeking to follow in poor Meghan's footsteps anytime soon.
At least fellow blonde Ashley Peterson has the sense to lay low of late.
Loki was hardly recognizable until someone overheard him addressed by
name; the usual Glam-rock makeup and wild attire put away for now as
things grow serious for the Brit musician.
members
of the prominent Ballard family on suspicion of association with
the "blood cult," members of which were detained
previously. The patriarch of the Ballard family has proven
elusive, however, and is still sought for questioning.
last
night. Umberto Reyes, a local resident, claims to have seen three
angelic figures fighting "a winged monster" amid the
churning clouds, using "swords and spears of pure
lightning." Reyes claims the battle raged directly over his
small farm, lasting from midnight until nearly 3:00 AM, until one
of the angels "split the monster open and pulled out its
heart" with a resounding thunderclap that shook local houses
to the foundations. Authorities and emergency services as far away
as Albuquerque confirm that a sonic boom shattered windows and
knocked items from their shelves at three o'clock that morning,
but believe the shockwave was generated by a low-flying military
supersonic aircraft. Less easily explained are the cataracts that
have stolen Reyes' eyesight and the sudden hair loss that local
health officials say closely resembles severe radiation poisoning.
miles from Walla Walla. Officials have traced the cause to a large
quantity of hallucinogenic drug introduced into the town’s
drinking water supply. Consultants from the Walla Walla Police
Department have not as yet identified the substance. A review of
recorded phone calls, however, contained similar testimony
relating to "lights" and "disembodied sounds"
in the homes of Faro residents. The wide sampling of similar
reports suggests the same chemical affected all 15 witnesses.
Scientific experts will arrive in town this weekend to conduct
further inquiries.
Acute
Respiratory Syndrome (SARS), of Li Po Tze, investigator for the
People’s Armed Police. Inspector Li, who came to the Xinjiang
Uygur Autonomous Region to investigate reports of sedition among
the local bureaucracy, is the first victim of SARS in the region
and is thought to have been infected in Beijing before his
departure. If that is true, this case will be the first reported
since the World Health Organization lifted the travel advisory
against the Chinese capital. Dr. Ming has ordered a quarantine to
prevent a new outbreak of the disease.
the
demon avatars.” The gathering turned violent when, after
attendees had waded out into the river, an explosion of unknown
origin rocked the scene. The crowd rioted, resulting in the deaths
of well over 100 people and nearly five times that number injured.
Witnesses claimed to have seen burning figures walking on the
surface of the river and four-armed avatars (described as
manifestations of Hindu gods) attacking people and drinking their
blood. Indian authorities have declared a state of emergency and
imposed martial law in an effort to restore order.
town
of Achnasheen was the center of an unexpected burst in seismic
activity last night, registering 4.3 on the Richter scale.
Residents report sulfurous odors rising from the ground in nearby
fields, and several people claim to have seen greenish lights,
like flames, on the hilltops at night.
