IC News 12/15/2003




SOUTHEAST - SMALL TIME DRUG DEALER DEAD IN DRIVEBY SHOOTING: DCPD responded to a call saying a man was laying dead half in, half out of his small Toyota Camry near Kenilworth Avenue in Anacostia Monday night. Witnesses say they did not hear or see anything going on on surrounding streets, in the moments before hand, but just happened upon the sight as they were driving to reach the South Capitol Street overpass to 295. 

The Coroner's Office has identified the man as 20 year old Jorge Chavez of New York Avenue. Chavez has a long history of run-ins with DCPD over various crimes involving theft, drugs, guns and soliciting prostitutes. Police have no motive at this time, though certainly Chavez's criminal history could point to numerous possible motives such as turf killings. Chavez received two clean shots to the head at point blank range with .380 ammo rounds. There were drugs on his person, and no signs of a struggle. No fingerprints on the car or on surrounding areas. The Verizon payphone nearby held Chavez's prints and a few others, not yet identified, but all older than the day he was killed. This is the second Hispanic male, in that predominantly black neighborhood, to be killed in the last few weeks, though the prior death was not a shooting.





LA Mormons’ Angel Statue Stolen

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA — A routine police patrol today discovered that the 15-foot golden statue of the angel Moroni was missing from its lofty perch atop the Los Angeles Mormon Temple. The statue, only recently restored to its place following the disastrous Devil’s Night earthquake, apparently vanished at the height of a violent thunderstorm that swept the city last night. Elders at the temple were shocked and visibly upset at the news but have refused to speculate as to the circumstances of the statue’s disappearance.

The Mormon Temple at 10777 Santa Monica Boulevard in West Los Angeles is the second largest temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. It was dedicated on 11 March 1956. The largest Mormon temple in the world is in Salt Lake City, Utah.

The local Temple here in Kensington, Maryland, had no comment on the incident. They experienced their own share of woes when non-Mormon construction workers, on-site to assemble their Temple back in 1980, had been drinking, and decided as a prank to shove a beer bottle into the trumpet on their statue of Moroni. Being 24K gold leaf, there would have been more damage caused by forced removal than to leave it and erect it with the bottle intact. It was left inside, when the figure was mounted the following day.


Hudson River Bargeman Killed by Rabid Wolves
TROY, NEW YORK—State Troopers investigating the derelict garbage scow May Belle, found floating along the Hudson River last week, discovered the mutilated body of elderly mariner Alluscious Henry, along with the remains of three mongrel wolves. Today, the Albany County Medical Examiner declared Henry’s death a result of an attack by rabid wolves and alerted county and state public health and animal control officials. Investigators also uncovered some evidence linking Henry to a fringe animal-rights group called the "Sept of the Green."



Tomb of Jazz-Age Socialite Vandalized
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS—In the third case of graveyard vandalism in as many nights, the tomb of Chicago socialite Annabelle Sforza was dug up last night by parties unknown. Ms. Sforza’s skeletal remains are found scattered around the Forest Lawns graveyard and her tombstone smashed by what appear to be hammer blows.







NORTHWEST - GABBY WILDWOOD AND LOKI ON AGAIN THIS WEEK?: Overheard at a trendy eatery in Northwest last week, Wildwood and Loki were having dinner, when supposedly she was overheard yelling, "It's Platinum?!" and something else about a ring. Spokespeople from both camps refused to confirm or deny the actual story behind the comment. 

The tale becomes more twisted, however, as it always does. Enter Wildwood's latest bodyguard, who apparently takes his job description literally, as he was seen tickling her tonsils with his tongue this week at Web of Night, in an entourage that included Ashley Peterson, Helen Fairfield and her new beau (see below), and later on, The Trickster God himself. Perhaps this is some kind of wife-swapping thing, who can tell... 

Peterson stormed out in tears at this point, and was said to have sped off, after a heated argument with both Raine and Gabby in the Web parking lot. Rather strange when just weeks ago she was trying out Loki's newest tricks in the privacy of his own home. Speaking of Loki, his comment upon seeing Raine and Gabby return, freezing, was, "You should really stop having sex outside in this time of the year." Playing it off, she retorted, "And you should stop having sex with 
young girls in order to help you get over me," no doubt alluding to his "one week stand" with Peterson. 

Later in the conversation he apparently confused her with his new protégé, Meghan Ambrose, referring to Wildwood by the wrong name. Are the two so hard to tell apart, or is it simply the sheer volume of women (and men) this tragic lothario processes in a single year?

Then, just when it wasn't interesting enough, the mystery brunette, last seen with Professor Aephaestus at the Hush, appears, sans magician, making some magic of her own with Loki and with Lady Helen's new man, after La Fairfield had departed for the evening.


Speaking of couples who feud in public, things seem to be growing more and more interesting in the world of racing, at least off-road. Seen together at The Phantasm earlier this week was neophyte NASCAR darling Francesca Torquemada, and an unidentified young Marine in full dress uniform. Whoever the mystery man is in this speed diva's life, there's bumps in the road already. The two were said to have spent the bulk of their time quarreling, ending in Torque walking out in a huff before Louis Delacourt's first set.


Good news is, however, at least one couple in town seems to be getting along famously, in more ways than one, although last night in the Web does up the stakes a bit. Another mystery man to the playing field, this refined Latin Lover has swept one Lady Helen Fairfield right off of her royal feet. Some sources say, in fact, he had accompanied her to her foray at Bound, not to mention numerous public outings elsewhere in DC, a weekend in New York via Jamison's private jet, and several Christmas parties this past week. Rumor has it his name is Cross, but nothing much more is known about him yet. The usual reward applies for any who want to come forward with the good dish.


Speaking of Bound, if we must, who was that absolutely breathtaking violet-eyed young man that Gabby Wildwood was said to have been ever so desperately pleading to F-(expletive deleted) her? It certainly wasn't Raine, who was in there the week prior, having his own flagellating fun with the still unidentified mysterious "Beth," and no Gabrielle in sight.


We're going to need a TV Guide to keep up shortly in this crowd.






Terrorists Kill 500 in Japan
OSAKA, JAPAN—A previously unknown terrorist group calling itself the Fifth Age today released a nerve agent in a downtown office tower, killing over 500 workers there. The leader of the terrorists, a man known only as Mikaboshi, escaped the police dragnet.

Comparisons have been made between this and the 1995 Aum Shinrikyo incident, but there is currently no known connection between the two. Aum Shinrikyo was an extremely sophisticated Japanese cult that achieved worldwide notoriety for a chemical nerve gas attack in a Tokyo subway in March 1995. Although most known for that particular incident in which sarin gas was used, there exists documentation that the group acquired and potentially used biological agents in acts of terrorism. According to official reports from the Japanese and American governments, the Aum may have staged up to 10 attacks with biological agents between 1990 and 1995. An apocalyptic cult, Aum Shinrikyo was founded in the late 1980’s and by 1995 may have had as many as 40,000 members worldwide. The cult had a violent attitude toward the outside world and reportedly justified murder by proclaiming victims as evil-doers who were committed to hell regardless.